Why do they put locks on 24 hour c-stores:

  1. To be able to secure crime scene from Slurpee-crazed customers who might disturb evidence.
  2. So midnight clerks, who usually work alone, can attend to personal needs (e.g. cooking Tandoori Beef)
  3. Double shift entitles lonely clerk to one conjugal visit.
  4. Stores need to be able to lock one door, so you break your shoulder when your hands are full. C-stores are little stores, but with a great-big sense of humor.
  5. Need to lock out insistent shirtless guys, to enforce "no shirt, no shoes, no service".

Sidebar: it is a little known fact that Shoeless Joe Jackson regarded the greatest tragedy in his life to be not his permanent banishment from organized baseball, but his lifelong inability to enter a convenience store. He spent his last, desperate years in a futile attempt to have the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" law overturned by the Supreme Court. His failure to do so is a sad commentary on our society's cavalier disregard of its shoeless, as well as a personal tragedy for one of America's legends.